I recently moved out of the claustrophobic confinement of my childhood home. I needed to change; I couldn't move there, I felt trapped, contained, tied. I used to get frustrated when I saw others growing outside of their homes, explore and expand without moving, reaching for new worlds and leaving a mark on others. Now I’m in a new world, I can see the sun, feel the fresh air blowing and admire the stars at night.
I remember the early days on my previous home, I remember having the space to move, to keep growing, learning, absorbing life everyday. I remember those rainy days where I could feel the water falling around me, filling every hole, feeding every living being. I used to let go everything that I didn't need and kept anything that would help me grow. Little by little I kept moving up, growing, flourishing and letting everyone know that I can be beautiful.
In my house I have pictures of our family. Pictures of smiles and trips showed me the world outside. Every night I dream about going to those places, I dream that I grow so much that I can reach them, see them with my own eyes. I dreamt every night and worked every day to reach those places but that ambition made my world smaller, made me feel stuck and trapped. That is why I moved.
This new place is amazing, white walls and great open spaces. I have a straight view of the ocean and everyday that the sky is clear, I can see the most amazing sunsets, I can smell the breeze and feel the emotion of another night, another dream. In this new place I don't feel trapped but I’m afraid that my dreams will make it smaller, boring, unhappy or unbecoming. I’m scared that all this wishes and expectations push me to something I never get.
Is it maybe that we are destined to be in this constant loop of expectations and disappointments? Is this the way things will be?.....Maybe. I have to keep growing and discover it. I have to keep living and never stop dreaming.
